Thinking about everyone and like always, busy busy busy!

I have been writing poetry since I was little, but I stopped for many years, only to re-establish my connection with creativity maybe around three years ago. While you wait for the next detailed post, I want to show you my latest poem.

Poetry always has an individual and unique meaning to each person- everybody can attach their own interpretation, feeling, mood and outcome. Why don’t you share your interpretation with us?

So without further ado…

Mountains

A teardrop falls in the grey, slow motion
a waterfall beckons, but like a tidal wave it retracts
a piercing silence, a still grey atmosphere
you can only hear the hawk of a crow.
Like a lightning glow, I walk towards the mountains.
Instant peace inspite of calamity
assurance and hope, or is it protection?
The cracked deserted ground is thirsty for life
Longing for a mirage of bright pastures.
The Mountains are the reality, but they zoom in
and they zoom out.
It’s questionable whether the mountains
are the ones we hope for, but
none the less, it’s a new life.
Freshness and stillness, bubbling streams
green amazonic nature
I crave for the sustinance
of life. Of my love.
I glow like a torch in my dark shadows
In the night, wearing a cape
No one could even recognise the bright
light that is burning inside.
Maybe it is love, maybe it is hope
None the less, it’s looking to the future
and guiding my stumbling steps
The light is so beautiful
But somehow like charcoals it can burn
through the body.
How much dedication can love bring
It’s seems maybe forever
or at least until the puzzling path to the Mountain.

Provincial Life

Shortly after I made my promises to you about writing more often and regular diary entries from my holiday, I arrived in Bulgaria on 2nd July, 2011.

My grandfather picked me up. At this time I was made aware that my grandmother was no longer living with him in East Bulgaria, but she had moved to her family house in North Bulgaria, where some of her sisters were available to look after her.

My grandmother always loved the North, it’s mountainous and beautiful, it’s her home, where she grew up singing songs and living a beautiful provincial life.

Prior to me trip I was already made aware that things were becoming more serious as the condition was getting worse. One aunty called me to tell me how my grandmother was getting lost and disappearing when going for walks, already lost her handbag with phones, ID and the like. At this point, she needed constant supervision. Another aunty called to inform me that my grandmother had now walked in to a strangers house, demanding that the people leave, thinking it was her home. Ofcourse, the people were shocked- who is this stranger, crazed woman, coming into our home?

They called the police, who informed my auntie that if they catch my grandmother doing something like this again, that they would have to put her in a mental health institution. I think in most places in the world apart from private care, those type of homes are not where you would anyone you know to end up, maybe wouldn’t even wish on your enemies.

Can you imagine hearing this about your poor, innocent grandma? What was happening? This is so fast! What’s going on? Had my family not gone through enough tragedy already? Maybe I’m exagerating on the tragedy, but we certainly did not have it easy! It was hard enough that my grandmother and I were seperated for the last 14 years, we were reduced to phone calls and once a year visit, which barely even scratch the surface of how much we needed eachother.

During her last visit, she opened up and let out all her feelings about how much she missed me and how sad she was that I am not there, how much it hurts to be separated. All these years I kept this to myself, I thought if she is smiling and enjoying her life, I do not need to cry to her and tell her that I have nightmares about her and the profound pain I felt in my heart. I didn’t tell her about my plans to go back to Bulgaria so we can spend time together, plans that were becoming more and more desired with her worsening condition.

I left my grandmother when I was 10 even though she raised me until then, because I wanted to be with my mother who I was separated with for 7 years. I wanted to live with my mother, even though later I would be asking myself if the 7 years with or without her were worst. Many trials and tribulations followed, but I didn’t give up, I stuck to life in London with my mother, while my heart was alwyas back home with my grandparents. I couldn’t leave my mother alone, I wouldn’t even go back to Bulgaria for Christmas because my mother was alone…. One of many gestures which were misunderstood and unappreciated. Still, I took for granted the time I had. Perhaps I should have followed my heart and gone back to live with my grandmother where I was happy and protected, with a dedicated grandfather who did everything for me. Or maybe I did follow my heart and wanted to have something good with my mum at any cost… Or maybe I was too young to make the decision to up and leave, lacking the strength I needed to enforce that type of decision.

Either way, I believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how much we wish we did things differently and generally I don’t. But just like everyone, sometimes when times are hard, especially during sickness and/or bereavement you look back at all the precious moments you could have had.

Now, at this point, the inner child was shocked at the fast development of the Alzheimers. The phone calls prior to my arrival prepared me a little for bad things were about to become.

For the first time in my 23 years, I asked my grandmother how she is and she replied: “Well you know, the health is a little minus” instead of her positive responses to everything.

And now when I arrived in Bulgaria, I was full of compassion and vowed to myself that I will not go to the beach if I am required to help at home and I will spend every possible moment with my grandma.

Photo courtesy of TopNews.in

Hi folks, I known I have been neglecting the blog, for which I’m sorry for. OK maybe neglecting is taking it lightly, I straight out deserted the blog for a while. There is a very good reason for it, my grandmother is very sick and the family are really struggling at the moment. You see, my grandmother suffers with Alzheimer’s Disease.

And so, in order to keep some momentum, and even offload some things off my chest, I will dedicate the next few posts to Alzheimer’s and my experience with this tragic disease, how it has affected me and my family so far. However, I cannot promise that the quality will be the same as usual because my mind is in a thousand places and the issues discussed are very difficult and sensitive.

“Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) is also known as Aleheimer Disease, senile dementia of the Alzheimer type, primary degenarative demention of the Alzheimer’s type or simpley as Alheimers is the most common form of dementia.  Alzheimer disease, senile dementia of the Alzheimer type, primary degenerative dementia of the Alzheimer’s type, or simply Alzheimer’s, is the most common form of dementia. This incurable, degenerative, and terminal disease was first described by German psychiatrist and neuropathologist Alois Alzheimer in 1906 and was named after him.^[1] Most often, it is diagnosed in people over 65 years of age,^[2] although the less-prevalent early-onset Alzheimer’s can occur much earlier. In 2006, there were 26.6 million sufferers worldwide. Alzheimer’s is predicted to affect 1 in 85 people globally by 2050.^“

This is indeed quote from Wikipedia, not because I’m lazy, but because every single moment is spent worrying over, take care of or escaping my grandma so that I can touch base with myself and I’m capable to look after her again. In ordinary circumstances, I wouldn’t use wiki as a source however, I find the article here on Alheimers to be really informative, well written and backed up with tons of referrences.

My story with Alzheimers happened and developed very quickly. Around a year ago, or maybe slightly more, my grandmother began to show signs of forgetfulness such as completely forgetting conversations which we repeat for her several times. In that year, my grandfather took my nan to several neurologist to prescribe her something for her symptoms, in the meanwhile me and my mum made nothing of it. She was taking some medication, but my grandparents were not making a fuss about it.

In March, this year, everything changed. My grandparents came to visit and this visit was the marking of the beginning of our nightmare ordeal with this disease.

My grandmother (and spiritual grandmother) who is around 65, visited me in our home and did not recognise her only child and granddaughter.  I was in shock, I suffered with my experience of depersonalization and derealization caused by a sever anxiety/panic attack when I had a first hand experience of the “evil” yet invisible to the naked eye side effects of stress and anxiety. You would not believe what personal hell sufferers can go through, even with mild symptoms of these disorders. Going through it myself has really opened my eyes to what mental health complications can really be like and how much we take our bodies and minds for granted. I really urge people going through high amounts of stress and anxiety to read into depersonalization and derealization and their side effects, which could also be related to chronic stress and anxiety disorders.

In March, my grandmother seemed more gentle and fragile than usual. I knew there was a problem when she began to get lost from the bedroom door to the living room, toilet or kitchen. Believe me, it’s a small apartment and one she has been visiting for many years.

I looked in her eyes, and I tried to find something wrong. I half expected to find a crazed stare, or something different in her eyes. I could not believe that a woman who had been so healthy all her life would suddently deteriorate in such a tragic way. There was nothing, this was the same grandmother, but she was looking at me directly and asking “how are you related to these people?” (talking about my grandfather and mother). It was becoming obvious that there were other side effects to this cruel disease, paranoia was one. My grandmother was certain that my grandfather was working against her, but this was nothing new. Who would have thought this is part of the disease, she was never his biggest fan. According to my grandmother, marriage is sleeping with the enemy in the same bed. romantic, huh? But then it was beginning to get inappropriate when she would accuse him and later my mother of stealing from her handbag and the stories began to get a little more unbelieavable than usual. Worse still, she would get dressed to walk out of our home so that she can go to the Police so she can report “the thieves”.

My dear grandmother and I are the closest in my family you see, we are the bestest friends. She would tell me all her secrets and she was everything to me that a mother should be- my loving refuge, my biggest fan and fierce protector. Me and her against the world.

I was always used to my grandmother confiding in me about things, which she does not tell my mother or grandmother. But this was becoming unusual, she would not cause drama and think logically about things. So why now is she on her way out of the door, wanting to report our family for stealing little bits and pieces from her bag…?

Still this was nothing, compared to what really worried me. I cannot explain to you what happened in my heart when I saw my fragile grandmother get lost those days in our apartment, this vulnerability was much worse than the pain of her looking directly at me and asking who I am.

Dear friends,
I want to apologise for my lack of presence on this blog over the last couple of months.

The good news is that I have finally completed my first year of university and now am back to visiting my home countries Bulgaria and China. Gosh I love them both To add to this positive short update, I will also use this opportunity to let you know that from the 29th July I will begin to add Diary Entries on this blog upon my arrive in my beloved China.

The down side is that it was an incredibly challenging time for me lately, which killed my creativity for a bit. Unfortunately, some of my family are experiencing severe health problems and a few other troubles that I have been focused on dealing with. You know, the trick with caring about other people is that when you see them suffering it can cause you even more pain than if it was happening to yourself.

For this blog entry, we will take a detour from the Trip of a Life time saga and discuss what happens when problems arise in close relationships or friendships.

As a 20 something year old, the world of relationships can become quiet confusing if you are not already in a set routine. Some people have friendships that start out in the early stages of childhood, planted like a seed in fertile soil then growing and blossoming with time. Those friendships can be peaceful, flowing and ‘comfortable’ whereas some of us go through life as travellers from one place to another, from one friendship to another. On the opposing side, those friendships can be dysfunctional, chaotic and even detrimental to one or all of the parties involved. For the average Joe, most friendships are a mixture of both.

There is something wrong, when you received potentially the best news of your life and you do not want to share them with your “friend”. Friends, in some ways can be like lovers too. Demanding of your time, fulfilling, and we can be blinded by sunlight coming from the top of the high pedestal we put them on.

But when is enough, enough? What is a healthy relationship… I mean friendship. As time changes, and people grow, they can either grow with you or apart from you. But if you grow apart from people, then what are you supposed to do? Dispose of them? Just like dumping the last X amount of years in the garbage?

When a friend hurts you, how do you know how to salvage what is left of the friendship? If a friend doesn’t show that they care anymore, but you know that they love you and need you ,is it then too pretencious to want something better? To what someone or a friendship that can be fairer, less challenging and more beneficial in a positive way- is that too unrealistic in the art of relationships with other imperfect (and perfect at the same time) human beings.

We all make mistakes. Sometimes, unwillingly, we hurt those we care about the most  and cause pain that could potentially be irreversible. But I am realising that we some careful thought and unbiased concentration, you can always learn to see from another person’s perspective, no matter how much they have hurt you. In some ways, it’s a relief to understand that when someone causes you pain, if only you try hard enough, you can get a glimpse of their heart.

The basis of humans is love. We were made in love and our natural state of being is Joy and Love. When people do things to hurt others, whether knowingly or unknowingly, and the result of each and every negative emotion comes from the invasion of that Love and Joy. Our natural state requires us to be in a suitable environment, with people who encourage us to be more like our True Self.

So how do you know when to give up on people who do the opposite or simply that your frienship is not ‘right’ for you anymore?

Well the way I see it, firstly you have to look back on the duration of your friendship and remember the good things the person did for you. Your own feelings of frustration, pain or anger will protect you from seeing the good moments of you together or their positive deeds or impact they have had on you. That is our self-defence mechanism to protect our heart from the discomfort of being hurt by someone that we love and seeing clearly.

It is a long process to figure out what you want, what happened to make things this way. Did you change? Did they change? Did both change or actually, perhaps one of you didn’t change at all whereas the other progressed?

Our choices in friends are so important, you can tell alot about a person by the friends they keep. (That is why it is so important to stress to young people in particularly, please be CAREFUL of the friends you choose!!!)

But sometimes, even though the love can be strong, you learn that you are just not right for eachother anymore… your interests shift and change with time. The things we have in common with people may not be what it takes it make the long run for life long friendship. Even then one in a while, people becoming complacent and neglecting of their friends and lose the bond that kept them together. Close friendships are not so far in difference from romantic relationships and could even use the same advice. Someone wise once said “Love is friendship set on fire”. But that is romantic love and unfortunately, in the West when we discuss Love, most people think of romantic Love. But Love also runs deep for friends, and sometimes it can hurt equally as bad if the time comes from a “break up”.

Friendship can suffer the same way as romantic love problems. One or both can neglect the other, suffer from lack of motivation, spark and understanding to keep the friendship going. Friendships can too suffer from lack of enthusiasm, support, the decline in mutual goals…

This is a warning. Each and every person and situation has a purpose, nothing happens by accident. It is important to note that sometimes, these people and situations can slip away once they have had their desired impact on your life. We grow out of clothes, we grow out of people, we grow out of ways of living.

So then, how do you weigh up your friendship when you are at a crossroads?

I have figured this- when people or situations have outlived their course, there is no more pain, there is no more suffering. There is nothing.

We don’t have to try hard to win people over. We don’t have to try hard to get that job, or that boyfriend, if you think about your lives, you could even notice that things that just felt right happened without much effort at all.

You don’t have to fight to deserve love, or get the love you deserve. In the same way as the beginning, the true end is also effortless. In the process, do not try too hard to do or not do something.. you just have to flow and ride the emotional upheaval waves as best as you can.

In romantic relationships, in the true end of a relationship when the partner caused you pain, you are no longer angry, sad or desperate. You don’t need to get the person back for hurting you, or think of ways to get them back or them fully out of your life.

In the true end, you wake up and you don’t think about that person, or what they did to you. There is no longer a picture frame of them in your mind. You don’t try to avoid them or the opposite. You have peace in your heart and what happened is put to rest.

None the less, the challenge still remains in life. When you love a person, friend or lover but you don’t like the direction in life they are taking or you begin to see them for the less attractive characterstics they always had or are developing, how do you then weigh up thoroughly how to remove yourself or adjust yourself to the situation? Do you just let it be and hope that it will fix itself? Or take action? Make that break, cut those ties, live to your potential!!!

For me, it seems that the best action is non action. If any of you were “blessed” with the obsessive need to thoroughly think through every detail and understand every reason why something is happening, that  non action is mainly coming from the fact that your brain is overheating in gear like an old coal locomotive.

But what is important is this: in life, no matter how much you love someone if your happiness is jeopardised, sometimes you just have to let go, no matter how hard it is.

People are there for a reason, and sometimes their journey with us shifts or going in different directions all together.

It is also important to pay attention to our attachments to people, things, and places in life. As some of you know the practice of non-attachment is one of the foundations of Buddhism. It teaches that our afflictions come from those attachments and can be cured of those attachments are removed.

I hear you say, but how can you be close with someone if you don’t get attached???

But that is where it is important to note the difference between healthy and unhealthy attachments. Do you value yourself in your relationship with another person, or do you put them on a higher place than yourself? Can you make yourself happy and achieve your own happiness through your own actions? Can you be alone? Or are you needy of compliments from a your loved ones, do you have the need that you cannot live without them or that you cannot cope on your own? Another Buddhist law discusses the impermance of life. Seasons change, people change, we change so we have to be very careful how firmly and blindly we love if it means that it makes us rigid and cannot go with the flow of the perfect and imperfect changeability of life.

It is important, especially in this day and age of vicious money suckers, brainwashed airheads and emotionally crippled members of society to understand the true importance of what friendship is.

And no one should have to settle for anything less. Otherwise, you may as well call it self-abuse.

FRIENDSHIP is when the power between two people is Equal. You should always feel like you can communicate your feelings with a friend, no matter what they are about. You should never be scared of your friend, of telling them how you trully feel.

FRIENDSHIP is when the other person care for you and your best interest. A true friend will never intentionally do anything to harm you or spite you, or your chances in life.

FRIENDSHIP is when another person makes you feel good and you can be yourself around them. You should never have to hide who you are TRULY and be always proud to show your unique presence to the world.

FRIENDSHIP is positive. In true friendship, your friends will never try to cripple your progress, your confidence or any other area of your life or force you to do anything you don’t want. Good friends will do the opposite.

Now, all of this is not to say that people cannot make mistakes. Of course they can. But you have to weigh up other things.

Arguably, our main person in life is self-realisation. To become the best we can be.

The most fertile environment for that in regards to friendship is to have people who are POSITIVE around you, who have a positive impact on you and contribute equally towards keeping your friendship alive. When I think about the key of keeping a friendship going, I may write another post to discuss some of the factors that contribute to sticking with your friends.

If you are trying to make something of your life, or give up a bad habit such as excessive drinking smoking or whatever else…. you have to take the best decision for YOU. That means make life easy as possible to achieve your goal of self realisation aka self-betterment.

If you are recovering alcoholic, but your friends around you love to drink and you make the concious decision to inform them that you need some time out from your regular drinking gatherings, a good friend will not make you feel akward, guilty or bad for doing something that is the best for you!

There are friends who do not care for our personal wellbeing which we don’t realise until much later. Such friends are leaches, they suck out the positivity from us and keep us in their derrogatery circles of misery and blame.

Sometimes, we have to be shrewd. Even concerning our best friends and family. Eliminate those who have a negative impact on your life straight away. However, if you are going with temporary problems in what was once a healthy and flowering friendship/relationship then think carefully about what is happening and why, try to see the bigger picture and listen to your heart to tell you if it’s time to move on or not.

Although it may be hard, feel easy in your heart to know that you are only living your destiny. If you feel like me, you could suffer with pangs of guilt from extreme loyalty, but be easy in knowing that you are Good and only Good. Respects nature’s way and respect your own self and your own process to becoming a better you. It’s ok to move on by yourself and you will be ok even if it feels you are on your own and losing an arm or a leg. Be open to the opportunities that may come for you, and be flexible to mould into a better, more harmonious and beautiful lifestyle that fate has planned for you. Surrender to your true needs, goals and destiny. Give yourself time to process the situation and to think things through or let it sink in. Don’t be pressured by yourself or anyone else to make an action.

We have to be the best we can be. It is often said, at the end of our lives, we do not regret the things we did the most but instead we regret things that we didn’t do.

My choice to leave the country for 2+ months move to China, stop drinking and partying, become Buddhist etc raised a few eyebrows and hurt some of my closest friends and family.

But then people’s true colours come through.

Your friends are those who ENABLE and EMPOWER you to become your true being, your true beautiful SELF, unselfishly and dutifully.

When big changes happen in our lives, we can truly appreciate what those who we consider closest are made of, we can truly see where their loyalties lie.

On the other hand, never forget people’s good deeds to you or the journey of where you came from together. Do not become disrespectful or act of of unkindness. Remember when people were there for you.

If we go by the theory that everything is a result from the substraction or addition of love, we can then understand that when people do thing to hurt us is because they are hurting themselves. The same for us, when we act unkind is because we too are hurting. Taking that into consideration, do not walk out on those who have been good friends and messed up real bad because they are hurting. Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed. And one of Buddha’s most valued attributes is Compassion which is arguably one of the fastest way to englightment.

Through compassion, we put humanity before us while loving ourselves. The pain that could have been caused to us from a mistake by someone close to us that loves us signals of even more pain that they feel to have acted or not acted in a certain way.

Note that in the spiritual paths and processes in life, our greatest learning, understanding and betterment of ourselves comes through pain, so pain and unfortunate circustances are a window of opportunity to not only show ourselves and others what we are made of, but to become a better, wiser person.
And sometimes, you can learn that your friendships should be just that. A friendship. Not a marriage. Not family. Just friends.

Be careful of how high you put your friends on those pedestals in your heart. Because when they decide to drop back down, the fall might be a little longer and more painful on the way.

In this life, we are born alone and die alone. This is not to be sad or negative in a way, it’s just a reminder that our unconditional love for ourselves is ALSO important. Achieving our dreams, wishes and goals is also important. You are not leaving people behind if you are trying to be you. Dynamics shift and change, do not be afraid of change! Change is opportunity for a better future, for growth and even more happiness!

It is often said when one door closes another opens. If you sit long enough and think why somebody you love might have hurt you, even though you know they love you, you might just figure out the reasons. Sometimes, it is just necessary to “fall out of love” with that friend or lover, so that you can love YOURSELF properly and depend on your own self to feel good and undependanble on another person for your happiness.

I wish you all that you feel safe, loving, understanding and compassionate in yourselves. I wish you that you can sit through the hard times long enough to see the grand design. Face it courageously, with a head held up high and hope and love in your heart. Build the love in yourself to not be needy of someone else to love you, because you can love yourself enough. And be wise to treat the afflictions in your heart so that you can be truly loving to others with kindness and compassion.

It is often quoted that wisdom comes from experience and pain. Confucious quotes ” By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” I therefore wish your learning path to be as easy as possible so that your afflictions can be alleviated.

Remember, Love is at the base of everything. Everything else is an impact of the lack or addition of love. Love is the strongest power to heal yourself of pain or your other afflictions.

If you think carefully, you will discover that all emotions and reactions stem from the lack or addition of love. When you know this, you can feel powerful that nothing can truly jeopardise or take away the fact that you are being of love and joy. Just like a child.

Blessings to my friends and readers,

This has been an emotional time for me, and I am searching and praying for the ability to brave my own affllictions and external challenges as this article is in fact me trying to be my own best friend so I can support and guidemyself and hopefully encourage others to do the same on the way.

Wishing you joy and peace,

Your loving,

Jin Feng

Namaste!

Are you going through any similar challenges, now or in the past? Would you like to share your sentiments on this post? Do you have any tips, advice or idea on how to get through difficult times in relationships, end bad friendships or figure out whether it is time to move on? Then please, post your comments bellow.

Together with my Master on my last day at the Yuntai Martial Arts School

In the last post, we covered a general idea of the key elements, impressions and elements of my one month kung fu trip China, but how did me experience truly affect me? In this post, I aim to portray exactly what impact those 30 or so days had on me and if I manage to scribe my feelings assertively, then you may be able to catch a slight glimpse of my heart and my true feelings about what really happened on my trip. Maybe as I jot this down I will come to re-live some of the happiness I got to know there.

Most people care about about the facts that I wrote about in the last trip, but such is my character that I care about so much more. What was outstanding is that not only did I fulfill all the goals I set out for myself but found riches that was a really pleasant surprise.

The Wall

I noticed that that I did not mention that one of my ambitions was to “break the little girl inside”. What this meant for me, was that I was going to give it my best shot to push any physical and mental boundaries I’d known via the training. I wanted to hit “The Wall” which would make me thing that “I can’t go any more”, and break it.

You see, the wall for me was a big deal. In my life so far I had only excelled that I am naturally good at or with little effort. I had achievements but I wasn’t so proud of myself, more so relieved that I’d survived traumatic challenges and achieved inspite all of it. In fact, it may be true to say that at that point I was more proud of the things that I didn’t do. It’s true my self esteem and confidence took a lot of knocks but I had a social enterprise, excellent job which I excelled in, fabulous friends and social life and a ton of acquintances who hold me in high esteem.

There was no (apparant) reason for me lack in esteem, but I cooked the perfect plan on how to gain my own self respect and decided to do what I would admire in other people. Instead of thinking, “Wow! S/he is sooo cool! I wish I could do that!”, I decided to be my own inspiration. I figured that if do something soo cool (by my standards) and impress myself, I’d likely get to know what self- esteem really is about. After all, self-esteem is about YOU and YOUR VALUES and living up to them and not what other people value as an achievement. This led to my realisation that there is no easy way about it… All the things I rated were way out of my league. Like being a martial artis (or being a surfer chick). So I did it.

Hitting “The Wall” for me meant that I become my own hero, that I am self reliable, that I’m totally impressed (with myself) and that I gained the discipline to face the bull by the horns in whatever aspect of life it may be, particularly my own insecurities. I thought, if I do something that I am totally not good at (I never practiced sport prior to my trip) and chuck myself in the deep end then surely I’d come out floating on top (alive hopefully)? Ofcourse, it was scary one the decision was made. I mean, come on, from zero training to 8 hours a day??!! Then the fear also became useful. I was due to start university petrified me. I left education six years before hand with terrible experiences and lack of academic skills. This became just another reason why I should face my fears and do it! If I could just do something as scary as going to an uknown land on another continent without any grasp of the language; training with others who’d be lightyears ahead of me in progress; being trained by a Shi Fu who could break a pole on his forehead; in a school full of men… ON MY OWN…

…. Then surely I could survive Uni, right?

I dedicated this trip completely to breaking down this wall and what better way than to do something that was not only good for my body but potentially a long term health investment with a WOW!! factor. (For more about the reason why I booked my trip click here).We already spoke about booking trips that tick as many boxes here, you are the best assessor of what your needs are.

And just as I expected, the one month trip at the school gave me self earned respect I was longing to achieve and my confidence grew. I certainly hit that wall. I cried several times- the first time was when I had to make a simple transition which required me to use my own leg strength to lift myself off the floor and change positions. So simple. I felt so humiliated inside that I was so unfit that I could not carry out such a simple move. It’s not just the move, the difficulty at the task at hand just represented difficulties in life generally. Ever had the feeling that you are working so hard but you are not getting anywhere? Precisely. You all know what I am talking about, because it happens to all of us. And there is nothing more humiliating than facing my own fears and insecurities, such a simple exercise reflected in me as not being able to even do simple tasks, it mirrored my feelings of poor confidence in general. I grabbed that bull by the horns, the low self esteem which I suffered was slowly getting combated with each opportunity I was given by my master to “fail”. Facing my fear of failure, not being good enough, not capable enough and the time I allocated to it as part of the trip meant that I was minus external stress, working from inside out to cure myself from those afflictions. And ofcourse (as planned) I faced those afflictions every time I “failed” to perform well at an exercise, and with a tear here and there… I overcame the obstacles that prevented me from pushing myself harder and liking myself more.  Who cared how I did, who cared if there was a tear hear and there.. was it not impressive just to even turn up? Or to get up in the morning after heavy training? Just focusing on hour by hour, day by day, I not only achieved my goal of having a successful kung fu trip, but I also learned how to take life “little by little” as my kung fu master says. I learned that in life, anything that is worthwhile requires a steady progress. Nothing is a miracle, we have to learn to value and congratulate ourselves for a out day by day achievements and successes. SEEING the difference in my kung fu, being able to learn a whole form, being able to become so flexible, fit, strong and healthy was therapeutic and just showed me that nothing in life comes easy and there is nothing wrong with that. It focused me on the step by step process instead of a the long term product.

I  realised that I would be happy training kung fu for the rest of my life. I loved it. It gave me an opportunity to excell in something I’m not so good at- kung fu and life. I learned so much from it, that not a day goes by that I don’t remember the important lessons I learned from this training.

Structure

You hear it all the time, but do you actually realise how good it is to have structure in your life? Eat at a regular time, sleep at a regular time, know what you should be doing during each part of the day?

The most amazing thing is, the structure I found in the school cured my anxieties and depression long after I left the school. The positive effects from having a routine have had a tremendous impact of my life. I didn’t realise just how much impact eating regularly and three times a day, together with good exercise and sleep, can do for your emotional and mental state.

Eating regularly not only makes you strong, but it cures a lot of anxieties. When you know what will happen and at what time means you are not in charge of your whole day. You don’t have to worry about it because it’s already planned. Naturally, the work outs made us totally exshausted and everybody was in bed usually by 11pm the latest, and that was pushing it on most days. AMAZING!!!

Waking up in the morning means you have a whole day to yourself! I don’t know what it is about waking up so early, but it makes such a great difference.. I don’t know… it maybe because of the amount of vitamin E you get to soak up from the sun from being out and about.. or might even that we are generally programmed to wake up early in the day and not to bed late into the night.

I finally learned how to eat breakfast here at the school, and achievement I’m most proud of. I actually gained weight here in the school- I became happy. I was freed from all of these stresses of a western life. In the morning, I just wash, chuck some clothes on and go to do what we do- train train train. The fact that everybody had the same timetable made it somewhat a very bonding experience for those of us who attended. There was a feeling of camaderie. Everyone was in it together during organised breaks and trainings- helping in eachother to cure pains, tips on everything, stories shared and sharing the impact of the beautiful Shaolin Kung Fu influence on our lives.

Whatever it is, all of these things combined completely dispelled my feelings of anxiety and depression for a very long time after my return in October. Unfortunately, since I have been back I have been faced with some sad news about poor health in my family and so I have felt the depression pangs again, however, mainly it has been so much more manageable with my new found positive habits and that is a result from the school and training that I did not anticipate and can never be taken away from me.

Being Humble

Each morning, we rose from our beds knowing that we don’t need to worry about what to wear. We already knew- we have our uniform. There was no need to worry about getting the food shopping in or paying the bills or running any type of errand. There was no need to look through the tv programmes, you won’t understand any of it. You won’t spend useless time vegetating in front of the TV or spending time wondering on which type of tie to wear to work today or which shirt goes better than this. ‘Cause it doesn’t matter. The Shi Fu’s who are amazing and your other kung fu brothers and sisters will only wear a couple of variations of the school uniform and own clothes. Do you know what it means to see people so succesful in their life, owning only a few t-shirts and trousers?

It makes you think- why do we really need all of the things we have anyway??? I have a walk-in wardrobe for pete’s sake! Why? Why do I actually  need all those clothes? What does it say about me? Does wearing fancy clothes make a statement to the world, to make me look better or more successful? Do you realise how much time we actually spend “worrying”about what to wear in the morning, ironing tons of clothes, matching this with that.. internet shopping, shopping centres.. choosing what to watch on TV… put all of these things together, and you will see how much time we waste in our lives fussing over such unimportant details.

And again, back to the clothes- why is it that people who can be so successful in martial arts such as our shi fu’s can be just as happy wearing several items of clothes as opposed to some of us westerners who have stacks and stacks of clothes… and when the season goes, we just buy more .. and more.. so when does it ever stop? For the fashion concious- what do you do with your clothes when it’s time to buy the new season’s lot? Do you  just throw them in the bin? Whatever happened to wearing clothes for keeping covered and warm sake? Does having many outfits make me happy? I don’t think so… I was so inspired by this on my trip, that since I have returned I have managed to live off the clothes in my backpack, except a few jumpers I had to grab out from the cupboard as the weather got cold.

It’s liberating. I don’t care what I look like, I feel good because of who I am inside. I feel good because of my achievements but not because how good or sexy I can look. It does help the fact that I got just as enough attention not wearing any make up, sweating and stinking under the severe training. As a woman, do you know how much it means to be liked/ loved for who you really are, minus the make up or the facade?

You see, in London, most of us have two faces- the public face and the face we keep for our real friends. People here are so focused on these appearances, and don’t ‘get me wrong, I live in one of the most fashionable cities in the world. I myself used to be very style concious, and it some ways I still am. But there is no way that I pick glamour over comfort, especially knowing that other people can love you just the same minus the mascara and stilettoes. Or that you can love yourself more, because after all confidence is the best assset to any person and that comes from the inside. So instead of pasting the make up on and putting the catwalk show on, if we spent an equal amount of time thinking about how to be good to ourselves internally, how to look good on the inside, then we are really making progress. And that is why since I have come back, I have been more modest x100, because I really don’t need a stupid dress to tell me how much I am worth of loving.

Buddha

One of those days spent in the school, my friend borrowed me a book- A pictorial biography of the Siddharta Gautama Buddha. That was when Buddhism presented itself in my life, like a present. When the true destiny of my life hit me.

You see- I didn’t read much about any type of Buddhism before. I felt that many westerns gravitated towards it, I felt it was bad taste to follow crowds. Buddhism came to me, it found me and it revealed itself in a way that was most adorable.

Reading that book was an epic realisation in my life. It started with my affinity with the Buddha’s life and the words in that book’s pages. I understood everything, clear as day, the words felt like they have a home in me. Finally somebody could understand my feelings, my philosophy of life.

It’s such a simple book, nothing particularly profound. But it was to me. It’s simplicity is what nailed it on the head for me. Since that moment, my life became to turn magic. I visited a temple in the Yuntai Mountains and there we heard the most beautiful music playing. It turned out to be the Om Mani Padme Hum mantra. I was so hypnotised by it, my heart was totally opened up to it. I went to speak with one of the laymen selling the CD’s and lucky for me, he gave me the album for free. That was such as special moment and it was the beginning of magical “accidental” and uncanny concidences occuring in my life. Those sounds that I heard sounded familiar, those words I read in the book sounded like home. I found my home. I found what I was looking for. There in that temple in the Yuntai Mountains, I was invited by a laywoman to speak some prayers in Chinese. I don’t know what I said but rest assured, it was the beginning of such a beautiful start to my life.

Shortly after my return from China, I begun to research into Buddhism more heavily. Which each sentence, every word that I read on Buddhism, I was welcomed more into my spiritual home. How can it be that somebody had already written about my impression of life??? How can it be that my hopes, wishes and aspirations had already been practiced in Buddhism and I knew so little about this beautiful philosophy. And there, my premonition about my life leading to this point, came true. It was as if somebody captured my essence, and my hopes and wishes and put it into one inspiration text. I found a father, and consolation in Chan Buddhism in particular (otherwise known as Zen Buddhism). I never read about Buddhism in my life, yet I was very familiar with it’s laws due to my own experience- the practice of non-attachment, impermanence… these are already lessons that was forced upon me to attain. As say force, due to the fact that unfortunately, another belief I share with Buddhism with states that wisdom comes from suffering. Ofcourse Chan Buddhism becomes instantly natural to me, due to my own beliefs and affinity I have with it’s teachings. It was like meeting a spiritual leader, in the shape of a philosphy. Like a guardian angel or a father even, I found myself and my life in this practice. That is how much life changed forever. That is also how I know that my life until now led me to this very moment.

This is it for now. I hope to hear from you with any comments on what you have read or any thoughts as a consequence.

Wishing peace and loving kindness to all of you out there. May you be blessed with love and compassion.

Yours faithfully,

Jin Feng

July- August class, 2010

It’s easy to plan a trip to China if you know what you are looking for. Some isolation, high class training, and a patient shi fu (master) were some of my main pre-requisites…

Training Shaolin Kung Fu at this school in the middle of nowhere (almost) was the best experience of my life, and recommend it to anyone. Here I learned my first Chinese word “Wei Shen Ma” (means Why?) which was the beginning to such an epic tale.

The Location and getting around

The capital of Henan Province is Zhengzhou. You arrive here by plane, and you are then picked up by the school taxi for free. Near Zhengzhou, there is a “little” city called Jiaozuo… NB. In China there is no such as thing as little. Next to Jiaozuo there is another little town and only then… you will find the little village of Wujitai. By village I mean nine blocks and our kung fu school. Literally.

The school (pictured above) is situated in the lap of the Yuntai Mountains (Yun Tai – Misty Mountains) protected by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site. Only ten minutes on the bus and you will find yourself in the most beautiful heaven-on-earth with spectacular views to take your breath away, and put in your ” must tell the grandchildren about this” memory bank.

This is around one third of our village : )

At night, you fall asleep to the loud chirping of the crickets, which adds character and comfort to any nature person. Falling asleep in the lap of these mighty mountains is truly an experience to treasure.

The actual school location is humble in more ways than one. It is a hotel village for Chinese tourist who visit the mountains, and can become fun and lively at night. Fireworks and the loud raucous of Chinese people playing games and eating dinner are typical for most nights in the summer months.

Me- connecting with mother nature during a break.

One of the most spectacular things I noticed were the amount of stones that were in the area, it almost seemed like a stone dinasaur graveyard, it was certainly interesting to see the size of these things and the way they were scattered almost everywhere.

On many mornings, we would take a mountain run to a lovely little hill. Some of the students practice Tai Chi Quan there, it was the marking of the start to a beautiful day.

During Kung Fu breaktimes.

After training, we don’t even usually have an opportunity to be involved in the partying with the Chinese. It is up to your Master whether he decides that maybe you can mingle. More often than not, after our training and meeting, we go to our dorms instead of out in the area. If you ever thought about going to this school, thinking you may get away on your days off to do a little partying?… No Chance. On the upside, the shi fu’s a pretty laid back, so usually you are allowed to do whatever you ask for. We all usually have a great time playing table tennis,basketball and having any other type of fun we make with our friends.

En route to training practice.

Our best mode of transport are the taxis, which will take us to the little or big city during our days off.  The little city is approx. 2o mins. drive away. Here we can buy groceries, restaurant food, fruit, internet cafe.. pretty much everything you want. The big city (approx. 40 mins drive)  is more fun however, with its hundreds of bikes where you can sit on the back and relax, while you are holding on tightly for your life on the dangerous Chinese roads. Shopping centres, great restaurants and the nearest train station to take you to your next destination. Not even to mention the gorgeous Holliland breakfast that will make all your training worth while in the 5 minutes it takes you to gobble it down (I’m a slow eater, may take you a little faster, more bad for you, buy some more!) Here in the city you can also get great massage and spa treatments done. Mmm… Days off were the best!!

My Kung Fu Master (Shi Fu)

My Shi Fu

I had the best Master, and maybe every student would say that about the Master at the school because they were all superb! I love them all! We love them all!

One of my biggest fears in training was if I was going to have the right type of support from my Shi Fu. Especially if you are coming from a non-training background this is crucial to a successful training trip. I was worried if my Shi Fu will be mean like sometimes they are portrayed in the movies eg. violence, shouting, unfriendly,stern… I was also extremely worried if my Shi Fu will feel offended at my lack of skills and endurance for training. After all, each and every master here had trained in the Shaolin Temple- these guys are world renowned! The skills have been written and filmed about for centuries. And there I go with my weak, unstreatched and unexercised self. I just didn’t want to seem like a stupid, ignorant girl who wasn’t ready to play with the big boys.

As you can see, everybody is on a different level of skill. I'm right at the back, strugglin...

Luckily, all my fears were unfounded. What’s more, I found my Shi Fu to be extremely kind, patient and supportive. I believe his teaching manner is one of the core reasons to why I fell in love with Kung Fu. For someone who is so (and I really mean, so, so!) rubbish at sports, I managed to survive one month of 8 hours training a day. There were times where I cried at the simplest exercises  just because I couldn’t get myself off the ground (pubu, mabu, cumbu anyone?) Yet, as exasperated as I could get, I would go to speak to my Shi Fu and with his humble manner he would reassure me that every day my practice will improve by “little, little, little” *holding thumb and index  close together making little sign* hehe. And isn’t this just life? Tell me what wonderful things happen without slow and steady progress?

He barely speaks English, yet his care and facilatative approach were key to my physical, mental and spiritual development. (More on this in this next post )

One of the other Shi Fu's in the Shaolin Uniform

The other Masters were amazing too! There is Yuan who looks after everything, he works you really hard and is no nonsense! While you are with him you are most likely to achieve things you didn’t think were possible. Like a headflip without hands or something. Tai Chi Shi fu moved so beautifully, he is the most graceful athlete I’ve seen in real life.. Jin Long Shi Fu was so humble and has such an enormous good heart that you don’t know why his skills and fitness haven’t got to his head yet. After all, the Shi Fu’s are the guys you see on TV performing all these crazy tricks like braking poles over heads etc. Yuan Shi Fu and the  private tuition masters too, who tour the world performing. To my knowledge, the minimum experience of a Shi Fu in the school was 8 years in Shaolin Temle ( but ofcourse their grades are different and only one was an actual monk as far as I am aware). I thought that was pretty darn impressive. Heard of the famous Shaolin Warrior Monks anyone? Well, I hadn’t before my trip, but here’s a little something on how incredible they are.

The Training

A typical day’s timetable would be something like this:

5.40am- Meeting;                    6:00am- Training;                 7:10- Breakfast;

8am- 11am- Training;             12:00pm- Lunch;                   3pm- 6pm-Training;

7pm-8pm- Dinner;                   8pm-9pm- Training;              9:20pm- Bed

If they can do it, why can't you?

So, it’s certainly not for the faint hearted, but the good news is that we have one and half days off. Tuesday we have no training, and Friday is Wash Day so we have only the one hour training in the morning and nothing until the afternoon. We miss a couple of trainings on others days of the week when attending Buddhist meditation, Mandarin class; and Bastketball, free training or table tennis practice in the evening. Although the last bell goes at 9:20pm which indicates it’s time for bed, we do still relax until a little later. If you are great like us, you would have movie nights. Everybody used to squidge up on any space available in my shared room for movie nights, which were absolutely Awesome!! (Love you guys!!)

Movie nights were always at ours

Once you get into it, there is nothing to it. Yeah, right! Did you really think I meant that? No way. It’s usually the first few days that are painful, however, on week 2 and then week 3 I think the pain just becomes different, maybe a little more tolerable. In fact, once you stop training is when you should be worried. When you have a day off and don’t stretch or exercise a little, the muscles tighten up again, so you may be going back a few steps in your stretching progress. It’s good to be realistic that training is not a walk in the park, on the other hand, I assure you, that your worries and fears make the training seem much harder than what it is. NB. I have a very low threshold for pain, I panic and worry all the time and was terrified to do this training. I almost never stick with anything to the end and usually turn away at the sight of difficulty. These are my credentials that should make you believe me that I really, really do mean that in your mind the training will seem much bigger challenge. Once you get cracking on making progress, little by little, day by day you will feel so proud of yourself.

But after all, it was all group effort. The biggest thanks to Pang Shi Fu!

The results are HUGE! Just after a few days I was able to bend down completely, “I can reach my toes, I can reach my toes!!” Even shaving in the shower became an exercise as you’d just do all these flexible moves, seeing certain parts of the body for the first time ! And what’s a little tear here and there for the treats you get from being healthy and full with vitality! Some of the perks of the training are massive leap in confidence, feeling relaxed, positive and generally happy. Oh, and being really bendy, like I already mentioned.

Maybe one day I can do this??

After one month, most people would learn one or two Shaolin Forms. I this month, I learned the Xiao Hung Quan, which is a fist form. You can also study Tai Chi (Tai Ji Quan), Sanda (Chinese Boxing) and if you are quick enough (which most of the boys were) you could do weapon forms.

Your trip is flexible. If you are not sure you wan’t to spend so much training, you could do half training, half mandarin time table which is also great. However, through experience, I find that the reward is greater if you do full time training. If fear is putting you off, then how about try full time first and then make up your mind? Fear shouldn’t stop us from doing the things we want to do, once you grab the bull by the horns, you will learn that you can be so proud of yourself, and things are really not as hard as you think, unless you are expecing to build Rome in a day. I certainly realised that our fears and worries are much scarier than our objectives.

Did I mention that everything was a group effort?

It’s a mans world. One big obstacles (in my mind) that was also completely dissolve when I begun training, is the woman/man ratio. Yes, there are certainly more guys then women, but everyone is really helpful. I had an awesome training buddy, which helped me push harder and harder. You rely on on your shaolin brothers and sisters in a great way, there is a huge sense of camaraderie. Yes, there were girls, maybe 5 to around 30, however I have a slight suspicion that was due to training during the summer months which are naturally most popular.  I think there may be less women the rest of the year. Nonetheless, they will be like your brothers anyway. I think there is a great happy medium, you don’t get spoilt too much so you are pushed to your limits, on the other hand the guys make you feel welcome, they are friendly and respectul, never an akward moment. Just happiness and sunshine. KUNG FU GIRLS ARE AWESOME, I loved the girl friends I met there. The boys are alright. (I’m joking, I loved my Shaolin brothers!)

Just one Bad-Ass Shaolin Kung Fu Sister of mine...

And another...

Age doesn’t matter in Yuntai Shan. Our youngest trainees are around 4 years old, the oldest member was around 60+ surely (can’t vouch that he was as hardcore as we, haha )

Another thing to note is that the groups are just perfect in size, no too many, not too little.

The School

Well, first of all. There is no hot water. Not sure if this is typical for China, but those cold showers came in handy sometimes after a training. When I came back to London, I kind of missed the excuse of having a cold shower, but I decided not to put myself through that unless I really have to.

The rooms are basic, you have normal (western) toilets but the plumbing is poor and the water is only during certain times of the day.

You have a TV with Chinese chanels. There is also an internet room but the connection is very slow. It’s good for the bare necesities (such as sending emails, checking facebook if you have a proxy).

Team meeting at the front of the school.

The kitchen is really not that great, it seems quite normal for Chinese kitches to be bellow our western standard. In the beginning, we had issues with the food but towards the end of my stay, the dishes became much tastier ( I think they took heed of our concerns). You get a variety of dishes, barely any meat so we usually treat ourselves during our time off. I’ve certainly tried some dishes in the school which were hits, and some which .. let’s just say.. took some getting used to.

Eggy Tomatoes anyone??

It’s worth noting that the food somewhat lacks nutricious value for the super sport types , so it’s good to take vitamins and supplements for training, especially protein since you won’t be seeing too much meat around. Also, most of us took a while to get used to the new climate and food, which left us with belly aches on some days. But don’t worry, when you are sick, you can be excused from training. Instead you can practice how to flush.

The school has it’s own mini-shop, weapon and uniform shop. Here you can also purchase Chinese lesson books that you might need.

The Added Bonuses

Yuntai Mountains, World Heritage Site, UNESCO

Monthly trips were something really great. I went to Shaolin Temple and to the Yuntai Mountains while I was on my trip. Culturally, the locations, history and culture you will discover on this trip is unparalled.

The trips are paid by the student, but it’s not expensive and it sure is refreshing to actually have the opportunity to see some of the country after such as a busy schedule.

Mandaring lesson which are already included in your timetable are great if you want to learn a few basics. Classes are held once or twice a week. If you are passionate about both kung fu and learning chinese, you can have half/half timetable. The teacher for those classes was not as good as the teacher for the private lessons. It’s ok if you want to pick up a few words and sometimes you’d rather face the endless repetition of a word that you are just not getting, than going to do yet another jog around the mountain/block/road/hill/ training hall/around the training hall/ around the training hall’s training hall. (I’m kidding, there is no training hall around the training hall. The rest, however, is true. )

Each day brings a new phrase...

Mandarin classes if you are on half/half timetable are with a different teacher.  The starting book is great too.Wu laoshi (my teacher) was great, I really loved how she taught and the lessons we did together have stuck in my mind. I now can sometimes understand words and even sentences when evesdropping on Chinese conversations on the tube. (It’s convenient, I almost always place myself near the Chinese people on the tube haha)

The Buddhism lessons were rather strange, I hoped for more as they were no lessons at all- we weren’t taught anything. But that is because we expected theory instead of meditation. Great, you say. However, we went around the room chanting something that no one explained to us, then sat down and meditated. We weren’t told how to meditate or why we were doing what we were doing. This area could certainly be improved.

A trip to the Yuntai Mountains was something I did not expect to happen on my trip. We took a two day pass, which lead us to the most beautiful paradise I have ever seen. It was even better than in Hawaii, believe it or not. Absolutely stunning, and protected by UNESCO, these mountains will take your breath away and have you thinking you are in an Indiana Jones movie. I will treasure those views from the mountains forever. We saw monkeys, wedding magazines photo shoots and were involved in a little illegal swimming in the beautiful mountains hehe.

Eating dogs in China is illegal, dontcha know? Sheesh...

What wasn’t so great.

It is not unusual for the school to be surrounded by fog- staying true the name of the mountains. However, many students complained that the fog may be due to nearby factories. I have not made up my mind about this, I did not find the fog or the air particularly displeasing. However, some students did complain about difficulty in training with the air being unclean and humid. Perhaps due to my roots in Bulgaria, I wasn’t disturbed from the air apart on the days that it’s really hot. China in general is not the cleanest of countries and with temperatures soaring in the summer it was to be expected that sometimes training outside may be stuffy! (This is what I meant in my last post about doing your research properly!) Also, this includes that the school rubbish is disposed off right next to the school which many of the foreign students found to be off-putting due its unpleasing look. Again, maybe perhaps I have lived in a poorer country than the UK and the fact that I was fully aware that I’m in the middle of nowhere in a seriously deprived and underdeveloped part of China meant that I was not bothered by this much.

Once, when I was there the electricity and water cut out. We were able to have water for washing and it was fixed after couple of days. I hear that is also common in China, nothing to worry about or be afraid of. Just because the washing machine might not work, doesn’t mean you can’t wash a couple of small items by hand. After all, you will be living in your training gear so that is all you will ever need while on the campus. We also get massive bottles of water for really cheap, so we never truly run out of water. Running out of elecricity and water just makes it that more of an adventure to be in.

Kung Fu Belongs the World

A Quick sum up

Overall, the trip is epic and cannot be measured with any other. It is the best way to be good to yourself. It does more for relaxation, mind, body and spirit than any lying on the beach holiday or most other endeavours. In the next post I will give more detail on how this trip impacted on me which will give a more thorough overview. If anyone is interested for more information (as I’m sure there are thing I’ve left out on this already too long post), I’d be certainly glad to help with tips and/or answer any questions you may have.

Click here to see the official site for the school, or here for the Headmaster Shi Yanlin’s website. Did I mention that ALL this above was for only $44o a month? Yup, that is right. I told you in the previous post on booking the trip of a lifetime, that with careful planning you can build a sooper dooper trip on the cheap It is cheap because that price includes these life changing moments and experience, but also your training, accomodation and 3 meals a day. WIN WIN situation here, and filled one half of my intention for a 2 month trip. That way you can save your pennies for where it counts- airfair and expensive locations. (Hawaii, and Miami coming soon!)

There you will find far more cool things that I don’t have time to talk about here. In the next post, I will talk about how this experience impacted on me personally.

Bye for now! (Zaijian!)

Blessings and Loving Kindness,

Jin Feng

Shaolin Temple, Henan Province. 2010.

I was just working on my new post when I found out how to read my stats. I am happy to say that since I started almost two months ago, I have attracted 2,438 views on this blog. This is great news for me as I didn’t realise that so many of you were passing by to visit. I would have made more tea.

Many of those views came from the Speaking of China so I would like to give special thanks to Jocelyn for including me in her recent post on “2011 Blogs by Western Women who Love Chinese Men“.

I would also like to thank all of my other friends and supporters who have taken the time to read my little two pence on the various topics and also thanks for sharing and commenting on my pages.

I am hoping to build more of a community over the next few months. Due to my University and Work commitments, I can only post once a fortnight on average. In the summer, I will have much time to post diligently and often. Particularly because (and I am happy to announce) that I will be going  back to China between the months of July and September, God willing!

Until then, the plan is that I bring you up to date on my last trip there and the impact it had on my life. When I go back to China, I intend to orientate my posts in the shape of a Diary Series, so you will be kept in the loop of things I come to observe in my day-to-day life in China.

I am hoping that those of you who find something interesting on this blog will share it with others. There is already a large community of netizens who blog about China or their experience of cross-cultural relationships. If you are interested in any of those, please get yourself aquainted with my blog roll. There you will find the links to other China/ cross cultural relationships websites and other cool websites that I use and enjoy.

I would like to take this opportunity to encourage you to make yourself known that you pass by. Maybe you can mention what you enjoy or don’t enjoy about my blog, or your thoughts on anything you’ve read?Is there some information or a website you’d like to share, maybe your own blog?

Any tips and recommendations are very welcome, any ideas or suggestions on future posts too! I have already planned the next few posts, but I’ll be more than happy to answer any of your questions to the best of my ability- whether it’s about booking a trip to China, finding the right activities for your trip, kung fu training or even how to order a taxi! (NB: Not limited to China related topics.)

Aparantly, I am the Go-To Gal, so I’m reliable and sure to respond to any query, no matter how small or (strange).

So while you wait for the next post which is coming very shorlty, here’s a shot of me with my family a couple of weeks ago. My grandparents visited from Bulgaria. We spent two weeks together, and now it really sucks that they have gone back home. I’m the most loved grandaughter, I’m sure.

My family- Tower Bridge, London, 2011.

You get the idea. Right?

Obviously, my holiday of a lifetime included a little more perspiration rather than procrastination so here is my simple guide on How to Plan the Trip of a Lifetime to show you how I did it! I think this simple step by step guide works with any idea generally, but I will mostly apply the rules for the purpose of trip- building.

Step 1: Get an idea! Remember- without direction, we are almost not going anywhere! So get to the drawing room and make a wish!

Something like.. I want to take a trip of a lifetime, get my dream job or be fittest and healthiest I can be. Write it down!

Step 2: Decide what you want to achieve, what is your aim?

It could be something technical such as finding work abroad to build your international resume; spiritual and physical such as wanting to achieve reflection, wellbeing, self confidence; cultural such as immersing yourself in a totally different culture to your own, seeing wildlife, rainforest; or simply fabulous fun such as epic partying and looking for the creme de la creme of beach holidays. Make a list!

Step 3: Brainstorm and think creatively.

One of the Seven Pools, in Maui. Aug, 2010.

What creative activities can you do to meet your aims in a way that will help you gain more than what you are hoping for? Here is where your dreaming really takes off… Keeping a record all the websites and ideas that you get!

eg. Swimming with turtles in Costa Rica hits quite a few “birds with one stone”- you have the tropical weather, wildlife, beach holiday, new interesting culture (if you are not from Costa Rica), relaxation… What about camel rides in Egypt? Going to the casinos in Las Vegas?

What else do you want to do? I thought that Hawaii would be a perfect place for me to start to write up my business plan for a project I didn’t have so much time to work on. Miami was my holiday was truly partying like a wild child and China was absolutely perfect for my getting fit objective and general recouporation. Try to make this trip as holistic as you want, including everything that you haven’t had the time or opportunity to do!

Health and Vitality, Jin Feng in Maui, Hawaii. Aug, 2010.

You want to take part in activities that will help you hit as many things on your wish list as possible, so that you have a much more guilt free, productive trip that is totally worth every penny. After all, you are investing in yourself and your future. Holidays are good for your health! People also often neglect or don’t acknowledge the skills and experience they gain through travelling, meeting new people and being exposed to new experiences which can have knock on effects on your personal and professional development.

Jin Feng’s Tip: To be extra guiltfree, you can plan your trip activities and the trip as a whole, to tie in with your professional goals.

Step 4. Be prepared for some sacrifices.

Dinner in Hong Kong fast food joint. Aug, 2010.

Sometimes it just won’t be possible to do everything on your wish list. I had to cut out two destinations from the original list due to my financial constrictions. There is no destination in the world that is perfect either. Hawaii comes with drunken locals who hate tourists, Malaysia comes with mosquitoes etc. and the food in the places you visit won’t be always what you want to eat! Weigh up your pros and cons carefully! Also very important- learning about local customs and having a pocket translator in non- english speaking countries really helps! In some countries it’s not acceptable to wear shorts or even drink alcohol, so a little research on the area or culture you are visiting will take you a long way to make you hit with the locals or even just to get by. (It is really usefull to be friends with locals- they can take you to off the beaten path routes to beautiful locations and save you money with their good advice!

Step 5. Don’t ignore the nitty gritty stuff. Timing is everything.

I began to plan my trip around eight months before take off. Your strongest tools in making this trip happen if you have a little financial backing are your imagination, conviction behind wanting to do it and research, research, research! Things you can’t ignore are:

World Heritage Site, Yuntai Shan. Aug, 2010.

a) Money- you will certainly need enough time to save enough for spending, tickets, accomodation and certain activities or packages which you may want to indulge in. Believe me, if you have SOME type of a financial backing, the rest will work out by itself. Although a lot of these things sound expensive, there are ways you can plan your holiday on a budget. Some tips are further down. You will need to be fully aware of your rough budget plan for the weeks or months you are away and it will be very useful that you overestimate your prices and give room for a contigency budget. (Seriously, no matter how well you think you have it planned out, there will also be extra/ unexpected spending!).

Parrots in Maui. Aug, 2010.

Another thing to consider is having the right bank account for spending abroad. Depending on where you come from, certain cards are not accepted unless they are visa or maestro. Also, different banks have different policies on their charges on transactions abroad. If you are in the states, be aware that it is very difficult to make a payment online if you have a foreign debit/credit card. Sometimes banks also require that they are informed that you will be leaving prior to departure, otherwise your account is frozen and it costs so much money to call and fix this problem, so please inform your bank! Also please think about any other over spending risks such as calling from abroad or even using a web- I came back with a £600 phone bill. Not funny.

Plan out where you can make savings, and where you need to invest more!

Haleakla Volcano at sunset, Aug. 2010.

b) Companions- personally I chose to do this trip by myself. That is because I wanted to have the trip of MY life and that means not having to make exceptions for other such as going to sightseeing you don’t want or having those almost unavoidable holiday arguments which are a pain in the ass. There are other reasons why you should go away by yourself, such as you being the best person you can trust to make this a truly special and tailored-to-your-needs experience; being more approachable to meet tons of new friends from all over the world; feeling free like a bird…

Buddhism is all around. Hawaii. Aug, 2010.

However, if you do want to go on a long and/or meaningful trip WITH  a companion, then there are things you need to take into consideration. Such as are they financially stable and reliable? There is nothing worse than booking a trip and hearing the most feared words ” I’m so sorry to let you down, but I can’t make it.” where it is due to the fact that they realistically never had a good shot of saving so much money or they are one of the talkers.

NB: The talkers I am referring to here are the people who say ” Oh, yes! Count me in!” and let you down almost every time due to some “unforseen circumstances”. Oh please….

Asia's version of Las Vegas- Macao. Aug, 2010.

Next, if you will be spending long time together, you will need to ask is this person flexible or do we share the same likes and needs? If you like to chill on the beach but you friend likes to go action hunting during the day, that is already potentially a cause for argument, unless the two people are INDEPENDANT or FLEXIBLE enough to do their own thing and/or oblige the other person.

Extra tip: Make use of your existing contacts. Maybe you want a bit of both worlds, travelling on your own and having a familiar face around you, like me? You can plan to visit places that you have friends in. It makes it exciting and it’s reassuring to see a familiar and friendly face to show you the ropes in a new location, not even to mention how great it feels to see someone you may not have seen for a long time. When I was in China, I made a journey, over land, sea and air to spend with my friend Alan in Macao who showed me the time of my life there and in Hong Kong. (Yup, it really did help that he is a Dj too so partied like a rock star ) Moral of the story is, if you are travelling abroad, and you want to see things, if someone you know is remotely close to you, then take advantage of it. Then you get the perks of seeing life from a local’s point of view.

One of the main waterfalls in Yuntai Shan, July, 2010.

c) Safety- always comes first. Although I went by myself, you have to carefully calculate the risks and come up with some protective factors during your trip. (For example: Cambodia may not be the best place to visit on your own due to its high crime rate. If you are still brave to go on your own, then what are the protective factors you can use to make yourself while out there? eg. always having GPS etc.) I had google maps installed on my phone so that gave me comfort that I will be ok on my 27 hour journey on my own in China.

d) Research, research, research- and plenty of it.. for everything!! Finding the right location, the right accomodation, travel insurance or opportunity all comes down to being aware of your options. The more you research, the more potential you have on find the most perfect one for you and saving money. After hefty research, I reaslised my bank do the best insurance. For around £13 a month, Natwest bank insured not only my 3 month trip but also my property at home and other perks.

Hong Kong Panorama. Aug, 2010.

Do you need any medical supplements? Do you need any other modes of transport such as connecting flights or trains? Make sure you check the times of things too! If you arrive at the airport at 3am but there is no-one to pick you up or no connections, you may find yourself twiddling your thumbs after a long, exshausting journey! Not fun! And you certainly want to give enough time for delays when connecting to another flight.

Partying in Macao, Aug, 2010.

e) Entertainment- if you are wondering whether you should bring your laptop, seriously, don’t wander. If you are planning a long trip abroad, sometimes your lap top will save you the most hardest of times. I wish I had one when I was deserted and locked in the airport until the morning, because my pick up forgot to… pick me up. Delays will happen, and so will lonely times. Not even to mention how fun it was to watch movies on other people’s lap tops which created the infamous Movie Night in my room at my Kung Fu schoo.

Sometimes not everything goes to plan... Zhengzhou Airport, June, 2010.

f) Comfort- especially for the dreaded long haul flights which totally suck. I don’t know about you guys, but I just can’t sleep! So tip number one is, if you CAN invest some pennies, seriously, when it comes to the flights try to invest in some good airlines like British Airways- it really makes the difference. Whats more is that each airline has different planes, so maybe it’s worth finding out about which one to go on. When I went on a long haul flight with China Air which had no individuals screens, I hated my life. (The great films and music are certainly one of the redeeming qualities of a long haul flight, so trust me, don’t get one that has the one screen for a hundreds of people to share! It’s not the one!)

Other things to consider for comfort are the type of backpack you are using; having a mini first aid kit of travel sickness pills, headaches, small injuries is handy; anti bacterial sprays for the times that washing your hands may not be possible; wet wipes are a must and useful for so many things and include anything else that you think might pop up during your travels. For eg. you may even want ear plugs.

After a swim in the Yuntai Shan, July, 2010.

g) Travel light as possible- SERIOUSLY???? Do you reaaaaally need all those clothes???? More often than not, when on a long trip you fall into a routine of wearing your most comfortable pair of trousers and sandals.

Other tips I would include are to deffinetly have an idea of the itinerary for each location you visit however, but very aware that if you having a lot of time spare, it may be very clever to book on your outgoing flight instead of the flights for your whole trip.

Step Number 6. Make the Booking.

If you don’t book it now, you never will. Resistance is futile.

Precious moments in Maui, Hawaii. Aug, 2010.

It may help you to do a booking via a trusted travel agent, which does a bit of the leg work for you. For my first large trip, I did book through STA Travel which took the fear factor away, but they did make a lot of mistakes along the way too (which were quite infuriating). But if you are confident and on the ball enough, you probably would have found that it may be cheaper to book things yourself, but then you would have to be super good at organising all your bookings and relying on various external companies for your bookings instead of one so also consider that extra pressure from booking via too many sources.

My final advice for a perfect trip, once you have saved the money is: Book a flight to your first destination only. You never know truly how long you will want to stay in each place or what will happen that might encourage you to go somewhere else. This is because exciting things WILL happen that will make you want to stay somewhere longer or even change your mind. I lost out and half of my flights due to those reasons.

My Bon Voyage Party, June 2010

This is the end of my list on How To Book a Holiday of a Lifetime. I hope you enjoyed it and that it can benefit someone have a plain sailing holiday like I did. So happy planning and don’t forget to have a Bon Voyage party at home for your friends who will miss you while you’re gone!

But remember!

Paradise is not where you are but, how you FEEL where you are. Yes, this is my very own quote…

Open your wings and set sail!

Wishing you a bon voyage and loving kindness,

Jin Feng

Do you need any other traveller’s tips? Discovered something missing from the list or would like to share your experiences? Leave a comment here…

During my trip of a life time, in Maui, Hawaii 2010

In 2010, China was only one third of my trip of a lifetime. “Paradise on Earth” Hawaii and “Glamour- Heaven” Miami were next on my “all aspects considering” itinerary.  Some of the best presents made to us are the ones we give ourselves and even more importantly, we ourselves are the most deserving of our own kindness, investment and joy- and that my friends, was the initial idea to indulge in a trip of a lifetime.

Here I share my thought pattern in planning this successful and trouble free trip with you, so that maybe you will see that it’s really not difficult to live a dream. A dream holiday means different things to different people- windsurfing, swimming with dolphins, picking coconuts, sleeping on a hammock… “If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” ~Lawrence J. Peter

Another ancient proverb (from China ) states “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao-tzu. Your trip, or any other endeavour should begin with INSPIRATION, SELF-EMPOWEREMENT and DREAMING BIG!!!

With head firmly screwed on my shoulders, at the age of 22 I realised that in some years to come I will be a wife and a mother (hopefully), so the freedom to do as I please will not last forever. I spent such a long time looking after other people’s needs that wooops..! I forgot about my own! With a place confirmed in one of London’s best universities and fantastic career prospects (for me), I felt that being safe, comfortable and confident in my future means that I’m finally ready to meet Mr. Perfect Enough For Me. So together with my poor health condition ( see more about this and other reasons in the previous post), what better time to go out and use the world as a playground?!!

Aiming for a holistic round-the-world trip programme on a budget is not impossible, you mainly need time to plan and for self reflection, and best of all to get CREATIVE and DREAM BIG !!! If you have a steady income and a well developed dream, you may be able to save quickly and without pain even if you are useless at saving as me.

Many travellers don’t return to the same place twice, and with so many in the World to see, it’s really important to give some careful consideration to what you want to achieve out of your life at that moment, and where you want it to lead in the future when considering your perfect trip. Sound like too much planning? Maybe so… BUT… I can promise you that careful reflection and extensive dreaming and  planning are arguably some of the most useful tools to have lead me and many others into personal successes. Specific ideas also means that you can spend more time researching your idea and finding the best bargains for it so you save much more money by knowing wihat you want!

The trip I was going for is a holistic programme, which aimed to fulfill all my complex needs as a modern woman- spirituality, glamour, nightlife, pampering and a hammock. Many other nice things too.

I met many people who were inspired by my trip, and just could not believe that I packed my backpack and just went off into the sunrise of the unknown. To begin with, I didn’t even know a single word of any Chinese or even own a dictionary when I stepped in China. Still managed to buy train tickets and get around Beijing by day, and return to the airport for my connecting flight in the evening. Not even to mention the SUPER tight budget I was on.. Certainly where there is a will there is a way- the moral of my story is, that if you have courage (or are just plain stupid) you can overcome barriers easily and make things happen to fulfil your desires, as Big as they may be. Believe me.. I am not on the best paid salary and at the bottom of the food chain where economic standing is concerned (compared to the average Londoner).. Maybe not so much at the bottom.. but you get my drift..

So this is it for now folks, next time in Part 2 you will find my step to step guide on the”How To?” of Booking the Holiday of a Lifetime. I hope you will spend some time to look at some inspiration quotes online or you could even invest in a book called The Secret which is absolutely AWESOME, I swear by it (well, the bits I’ve read )! Another book I love is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I wish I could just get to finishing them both…

Before I start with my personal “How to?” guide for booking the trip of a lifetime in Part 2, I will leave you with a few more inspirational quotes. Enjoy!!

“Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” ~Les Brown

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.” ~Author Unknown

“Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.” ~Doug Larson

and my personal motto:

Meglio un giorno da leone, che ciento da pecora. ~Italian Proverb. Meaning “It’s better to live one day as a Lion, than a hundred as a sheep.”

For more inspirational quotes click here.

Bye for now! Wishing you loving kindness,

Jin Feng!

Have you experienced stress at work or in your life that has made you take a drastic measure? Been on any scary adventures? What empowers and inspires you?

Photo by BananaStock

The question of why I love China so much has been burning on people’s minds and I get asked all the time. And I have to admit, it’s a question I struggle to answer. It surely isn’t because I do not know why, but I feel people hope for a short, simple answer and that it is not.

Let’s get some thing’s straight…!

Firstly, NO!- it isn’t because I watched Chinese movies more than the regular person (maybe a few throughout my whole life) or that I ever even went to China Town. I did not have a heap of Chinese friends before going there (just the one actually and she is more London that I am), and nor was I crazy about Kung Fu. I knew very little about Chinese customs and traditions, or even what to expect. And I really couldn’t care less about China’s growing economy (that was then, now just slightly more interested).

The Trip of a Lifetime:  China ~ Hawaii ~ Miami

For several years leading up to the trip, I began to suffer with physical side effects of stress and anxiety brought on by my work. I lost my lustre for life as I was constantly feeling worn down by my job, in and out of depression, struggling. Sound familiar? Since the age of 17 (currently I am 23) I have dedicated my life to Youth Work & Community Development, with only superficial lifestyle heavy duty partying (and oh boy was I good at it!) and the odd travels to compensate for the maturity, responsibility and heavy work load. I was attracted to each destination for a different purpose, a holistic gift to the person who’s been there for me the most.

And so, why China?

Reason Number 1: Shaolin Kung Fu.

Photo Source: china-window.com

It is said that Shaolin Kung fu was developed as a means of daily exercise to improve the health of the monks at Shaolin Temple by the Boddhidharma in 527 AD. Legend has it that he was an Indian prince who became Buddhist monk. When he visited the Shaolin Temple, it is said that he found the monks in a physical state so poor that they could not practice meditation, so he developed and taught internal and external exercises to keep them healthy. Ch’an Buddhism is at the heart of Shaolin Kung Fu, and no other schools of martial arts have this spiritual centre. It is argued that Shaolin Temple is “the cradle” of the martial arts.

I dreamed of doing something that I could feel proud of. Something that I never would have thought I could achieve. I was about to start University after an eight year break from education, so I really wanted to break the fear down by doing something I never though I could- physical exercise for eight hours a day! Going somewhere where I could focus all my energies of improving my health, confidence and self esteem  meant the world to me. No more calls about gang rivalry, stabbings, or unjust management decisions! It was time for me and  I wanted it all-  spirtuality, a healthy lifestyle, nature, culture and generally just something different. But how to take up a healthy lifestyle when I had no interest in gym or running round in circles?

Then it came to me! I needed to immerse myself in  a martial art  that will incorporate all these things and so I thought if you want to learn something, you want to learn from the best, right? From that moment, I had no doubt I had to train in Shaolin Kung Fu. What did I know about it from the past, I am not even sure!!! When I try hard to remember at what moment I made that decision, I find nothing, as if the decision was always there.  I found a school which was very welcoming even a sports zero like me (check out Yuntai Shan Martial Arts School). In the school, at the bottom of UNESCO World Heritage Yuntai Mountains, I found my life’s calling. Or maybe even, it was as I was leaving (after surviving one month of training there) that my real life’s insight began to pour into me. A love for Shaolin Kung Fu was born and turned the page to the best chapter of my life so far. More about Shaolin Kung Fu if you click here.

More about my training at the Yuntai Shan Martial Arts and Culture School in a future blog. But what do you think? Have you considered going on such a trip or had a similar life changing experiences?