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Posts Tagged ‘expats’


Especially to those living in China.

I feel very happy tonight and going to sleep very happy. I have learned so much about myself recently. Number 1. I am at my most happiest when I’m busy. Busy working towards my dreams. Busy working towards big goals. Busy working making money. Busy having things to do.

I like feeling productive and useful and enjoy being needed and having things to do while maintaining some kind of a balance with my personal life. Today I worked 14 hours and going to bed with contentment in my heart. It has been so difficult but every day is closer to establishing myself in this new country and new life as who you really are and finding out exactly what moves you and what your priorities are.

Who are you in this new environment ? What aspects of life can you take from both cultures to have a more happy life ? Who is this new version of you? It’s kind of exciting now that the answers slowly start coming.

I have also realised that the reason why I lacked confidence lately is exactly because of these reasons. You left your strengths behind in your home town and instead started learning everything a new. New language, new job, new friends, new work environment.

Instead of practicing your strengths, you are learning everything a new and confidence comes from knowing things and being good at things so no wonder our confidence can get a little shaky here, especially if you compare yourself with this new culture.

You are in a new environment where nobody knows who you are and you can’t communicate it across to people and that can be especially lonely and soul crushing. We all want people to see us for who we are and acknowledge us. That’s how we bond and we all want to bond with people and have those heart to heart connections that go beyond a civilised hello or drinks at a bar.

All of the things that made you you have been left behind and you are stripped to your bear bones and absolutely naked until you realise you need to pick yourself back up again.

I realised I lost my confidence temporarily because all of my strengths that made me me have been lost here and I so desperately wanted to be seen because I wanted companionship in this lonely silent world of not understanding the language or the culture sometimes.

Nobody got to know who I am or what I’m good at or what I care about. The world inside me that goes beyond that is a woman teaching. It’s kind of a silent suffering.

Nobody can truly see you until you learn to communicate well enough in the new language. Everything is new New New. Had to start everything from the beginning.

However, I was wrong. I hadn’t lost all my strengths and shouldn’t really care who can see them but instead should focus on doing the things that make me happy, fulfilled and have a purpose.

Just being the things you already are but with an added bonus. Then the rest becomes much easier.

Hope this can be a story of comfort for other expats who also struggle with finding out who they are in this new culture where they feel quite often people can’t see them.

Instead of looking outwardly perhaps we should look inwardly for our self fulfilment and satisfaction. For those like me who are living in China, we are not Chinese but we love living in China and we need to remember that. We will never be Chinese but we just need to figure out who we are amongst these two very different cultures.

If your goal and purpose are strong enough, you have the strongest possible protective factors to help you along this path that is very long and narrow.

Good night with all my gratitude. Wishing everyone happy travelling on the long but sort of short road called life. With all my gratitude, Jin Feng. Thanks from all my heart.

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